Sometimes I come across a story that really gets to me. Have you heard the name Stacey Dean Rambold? How about Cherice Moralez? If you don't know the names you may know the story. A 14-year-old girl is raped by her 49-year-old high school teacher. As the criminal case drags on, the girl, now 16, kills herself. The teacher pleads guilty and is sentenced to 30 days in jail. 30 days. His lawyer said, “he lost his career, his marriage and his home and has suffered a "scarlet letter of the Internet" as a result of publicity about the case. The judge, who never met the victim, said she “as much in control of the situation” and that she was “older than her chronological age.” Never mind that the rapist was her teacher and that under Montana state law anyone under the age of 16 cannot consent to sex. Cherice committed suicide just weeks before her 17th birthday, and her mother said the relationship was a “major factor” in her suicide.
That's horrific on it's own. Then I
came across an opinion column published in The Washington Post.
The title of the piece? “Sex Between Students and Teachers Should
Not Be A Crime”, or at least it was until the title was changed
days later (the original title is still in the link). It was written
by former lawyer and author Betsy Karasik. She wrote “I don’t
believe that all sexual conduct between underage students and
teachers should necessarily be classified as rape, and I believe that
absent extenuating circumstances, consensual sexual activity between
teachers and students should not be criminalized”. Wow. It's the
“you can't get pregnant if it's a legitimate rape” argument all
over again. Is it worse because the author is a woman? It is to me.
She talked about knowing classmates from high school thru law school
who slept with their students, that no one she knew “was horribly
damaged and certainly no one died”.
This paragraph is from her article, and
I don't want to paraphrase. So here it is...
If religious leaders and heads of state can’t keep their pants on, with all they have to lose, why does society expect that members of other professions can be coerced into meeting this standard? A more realistic approach would be to treat violations in a way that removes and rehabilitates the offender without traumatizing the victim. The intensity of criminal proceedings, with all the pressure they put on participants, the stigma, the community and media scrutiny, and the concurrent shame and guilt they generate, do the opposite of healing and protecting the victim. Laws related to statutory rape are in place to protect children, but the issue of underage sex, and certainly of sex between students and teachers, may be one in which the law of unintended consequences is causing so much damage that society needs to reassess.
I won't go down the “religious
leaders” path other than to say that one of the priests in the
Catholic Church sex abuse scandal was the priest at my church growing
up. Two of them, actually. One was there when my classmates were
serving as altar boys.
Kids are stupid. Yeah, I went there.
Their brains are not fully developed, so it's not completely their
fault. That's in part why they act impulsively and are more
emotional. (Have you ever seen a teenage girl who couldn't find the
right shoes to wear with an outfit? Drama!) Adults are not supposed
to be that stupid. Their brains are developed. And for the adult to
be in a position of authority is inexcusable. There are double
standards when it comes to teacher/student sexual relations. When
it's a female teacher the boy is often seen as “lucky”, at least
when the teacher is hot. Most don't see a girl being “lucky”
because she slept with a teacher. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
I actually started writing this because
Ms. Karasik tried to use a Louie CK joke as the basis for her
argument. And she got it all wrong. Just like the rest of her
piece. Here's the link, if you want to read it for yourself.
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