This may sound silly, but I have no family. No biological family, anyway. I mean, those people are out there but they took their sides. Guess who's side they didn't take? Believe it or not, I'm okay with it. Took awhile, and losing some people was much harder than others, but it is what it is. I'm sure that in time I'll get into more of the back story. But it's just hard to do right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I would truly hate that. Because I have family. The family I have made for myself. I have my best friend, who's kids have always been my nephews. Boy, they were so disappointed to find out we're not blood related. I have my "other mom", as I've always called her. She has taken over as my only mom, and she'll never know what that means to me. I have my sisters, her 2 daughters who have my nieces. One has been one of my oldest friends, and they know that I am always there when they need me. Her husband is like that brother you fight with, but you know he has your back every time (just ask the guy who's tooth he knocked out defending me). I shed a tear or 10 when my niece graduated high school, Ms. class president. And my other nieces are just as amazing. And I'll spare you from the past I had with one of her sons...but he wasn't my "brother" then so it's okay.
Then there are the people who have really had my back over the past 3 years of pure hell. They wrote letters of support, letters that brought me to tears. Even though I closed myself off, they still checked on me and wouldn't let me push them away. My "work mom" has done things for me, even when I said I didn't need the help. I have found people online who have listened to me cry about the same shit over & over, and have offered help that I never accept.
And then there's my Laptop Confessional whorez. Yes, that's our term of endearment. We have taken over the mindset of the honey badger, we just don't give a shit. But someday we will have our commune and will all be sister wives. BLaM is my same sex sole mate. She gets me in a way nobody ever has. She knows when something is wrong without me saying a word. A prime example...I stood at my sink trying to decide how much of a particular pill to take. Shortly after I got a text telling me to step away from the sink and the bottles. Some freaky shit. Vicks is my little hedgeho. We laugh at her typicals (typos) and sometimes we shake our heads wondering ethnic (WTF) she is talking about. The queen of auto correct. Kat gave us our first badger baby. And has shown me love even when I don't deserve it. AC sent me a secret Santa gift that still lives in the same box. She gets me, and is always the one who truly tells it how it is. Ridgewalker is my favorite nerd, and sometimes I really miss her. Confessor Cin I miss so much. She is truly an amazing woman, who has given so much of herself. J has become my sister Bruins fan, but that's only the tip of the iceberg. She really just kicks ass. And Spanks. She leaves me with not enough words in the English language. She is one crazy ass bitch who means so much to me, more than she probably realizes. Then there's Zeno. I wish he was around. I miss him more than he knows. Because I love what he has to say, and I blame him whether he did it or not. And I know we all feel the same.
Life gets crazy, but I hope you get to know them. You'll probably see them pop in when they can. They have truly saved my life on more than one occasion. They are my family, whether they like it or not.
Sweets, I totally know what you are talking about family and the connection that can be made with people that are stronger than blood. I am glad you have your family no matter who they are. Love is stronger than blood in so many ways. I have a similar situation. y blood is a very small group. Now I have my father who lives 3 hours away and my brother and my sister in law who also live 3 hours away in another direction. Where I have chosen to make my life was where I went to college and met people that touched my heart and became my family, Now over the course of the last year and a half I have lost my home base. I was the one who always listened and helped people out financially when they were in a pinch. Now because I am someone who needed people,they are gone. So I have only one real friend that cares I consider my son in law. But I have lost due to people not wanting to work things out,and me not being a doormat any longer,people I considered my daughter,grandchildren,sisters,neices and nephews. But you know what Sweets?? I will be okay. I am getting stronger and not missing them anymore. I pray and I am a Facebook troll. I have made connections with a few people on the feed that acknowledge me as a person and I enjoy their pages. The holidays are coming and they mean nothing to me as I have worked or spent too many alone, It is 24 hours and they will be over and another day happens. Family is what you make it. But at the end of the day,there is only me and my God and I am more than fine with that. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!! I care about you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marilyn. Sometimes family comes from where you least expect it. I truly shut myself off and I've learned who I can really count on. And having people to count on really makes me lucky. It just took a bit to realize that. ~Sweets
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